her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
