I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
