I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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