question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My ass is underappreciated
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
