I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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