idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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