I accidentally burped into my bong.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
