remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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