But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
