All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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