i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
