another moral hangover. fuck.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
