Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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