He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
