i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
