who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
