i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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