New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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