Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
