I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
