I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
