I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
