Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
