i think i have herpe
just one?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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