Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
