"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
