I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
