You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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