I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize