Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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