Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
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