just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
