True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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