Can i not drive my cunt home
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
