Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
