He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Farmville is her only friend.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
