i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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