You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
