Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Im part way to drunk.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize