i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
