My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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