imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize