My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
