So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
