Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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