if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
