You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
and she was petting her beer can
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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