i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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