Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Randomize
