Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
