At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
