I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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