I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
