I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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