This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
