apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
