So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Do you still have your period?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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