But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
