Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
