I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
