I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
