Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
