Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
