you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
