Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
