I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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