She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
