Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
