Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
