ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
