I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
