A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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