Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
