I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
