How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
