You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
