dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
