sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
