Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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