He disabled his match.com account in front of me
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
