Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
