She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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