My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
