after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
