i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
