I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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