I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
