Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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