i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
