My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
