help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
