I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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