Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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