yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
