No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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