he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
