Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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